Gary Billings died in January 2022. He was just 37.
A loving father to daughter Isla, partner to Kerry, family member, friend, local businessman and devoted West Ham United supporter, Gary was popular among the fans he shared matchdays with, both in the pub before each game and in Block 117 at London Stadium.
Following his passing, there was a huge outpouring of grief and tributes poured in from his fellow Hammers and the many people who knew and loved him in his hometown of Basildon and beyond. A flag has been placed on his seat before each match in his memory.
His friends spoke of a happy and successful man, and one who did not share the issues which ultimately led him to tragically take his own life.
With the intention of helping other men share their feelings and for intervention to take place before it is too late, Gary’s family and friends spoke to West Ham TV about him and encouraged those in need of a caring ear to speak to James’ Place, a charity set up to prevent men from dying by suicide, which you can find out more about here.
Gary’s partner Kerry described him as an ‘amazing father’ to their daughter, the ‘most loveable man you could ever meet’ and the ‘life and soul of the party’, how he doted on Isla and enjoyed taking her to watch their beloved West Ham.
However, beneath that happy, fulfilled surface, Gary was dealing with mental health issues that he tragically never came to terms with.
“I think there’s a bit of a stigma about men and mental health,” Kerry told West Ham TV. “It’s a pride thing and maybe men might see it as a sign of weakness. I never ever knew Gary suffered with mental health, none of us did.
“When he went missing it was the biggest shock for us and I just wish that he had told me and spoke to me sooner because we could’ve got him help and we wouldn’t be in this situation that we are in now and my little girl would have a daddy.
“If I was to tell anyone who was in the same situation as Gary, speak out. Speak out. Everyone will listen. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Pride doesn’t come into it. Don’t be in the situation that we’re all in where we are missing him and not being able to see him anymore.”
Gary’s friends Lee, Shammy, Dan and Leon also described a man who was ‘reliable’ and a ‘character who brighten up people’s days’ who ‘loved his girl with every breath of his heart’, and urged anyone with suicidal thoughts to seek help before it was too late.
“Don’t be proud,” said Shammy, who has dealt with his own mental health issues and alcoholism. “Don’t be proud. It will just drive you over the edge. There is help, there is help out there. I didn’t think I could find it, but I did. I was lucky. All you gotta do is talk and listen. Talk and listen and people will listen to you.”
“Remember there are people out there that care for you, people that love you, people that you might not feel like you can turn to,” Dan agreed. “A little talk, a little change of a scenario, a change of a situation could produce something simple to change your thought process.”
And Lee pointed out that you too can potentially make a hugely positive difference by checking up on friends and family members.
“Make a phone call, text,” he said. “Even if they’re your friend, you haven’t got to speak to them every day, every week, every month, just a text: ‘How are you doing mate? Everything is good. Make sure the family’s good and just check in with people.
“Hopefully something like this can save one person’s life.”
About James’ Place
James’ Place exists to save the lives of men in suicidal crisis.
The charity was set up by Clare Milford Haven and Nick Wentworth-Stanley in 2008 after their 21-year-old son, James, died by suicide ten days after a minor operation. James had no history of mental illness or depression and had sought urgent help for anxiety and suicidal thoughts, but didn’t find it.
James’ Place makes the experience of finding help as easy as possible. It offers men who are experiencing a suicidal crisis a brief, intensive, therapeutic intervention in a safe environment. Men who walk through the door at James’ Place will be in a space where they feel valued and respected.
The first James’ Place opened in June 2018 in Liverpool, the first of its kind in the UK. Our second James’ Place centre opened in London in 2022 in Bunhill Row near Old Street. We have to date supported more than 800 men experiencing suicidal crisis, delivering over 2,000 therapy sessions using an innovative and safe therapeutic intervention.
We believe suicide is an avoidable death and have created a place where men in a suicidal crisis can access support, advice and help. We provide a safe therapeutic environment in which men are cared for and respected by a team of specially trained therapists and staff. Our mission is to help men aged 18+ who are in crisis, by providing quick and free access to non-residential therapy and support. We offer an individualised person-centred intervention to men experiencing a suicidal crisis.
To speak to James’ Place, visit jamesplace.org.uk or call 020 3488 8404.
Need urgent help?
If you are in need of urgent help, please visit your local NHS walk-in centre or A&E department as soon as possible.
You can also find immediate support by calling Samaritans free at any time on 116 123 or texting SHOUT to 85258.
