It is often said that football is about more than just what happens on the pitch, and for life-long Hammer Neil and his family, their love of the beautiful game has certainly helped them navigate through the toughest period of their lives.
In December 2022, Neil’s wife Becca tragically died at the age of 35 following a short battle with Strep A, just a few days after developing what initially appeared to be a typical chest infection.
While left heartbroken and confused by what had happened, Neil’s life was further flipped upside down as he was forced to try and come to terms with the fact that he was now a single parent, to son Frankie and daughters Sadie and Romy, who were aged six, four and two at the time, respectively.
A former police firearms officer and soldier, Neil - who had met Becca on holiday in Ibiza when he was 26 - was close to completing his and his wife’s life plan of retiring by the age of 40, having gone into business after leaving the military, when tragedy struck.
Almost instantly, his dreams of a comfortable and stress-free life - that he and Becca had worked round the clock to achieve for so many years - came crashing down in the most brutal fashion.
“The whole thing crippled me, and put me in a place that I wouldn’t wish on anyone,” said Neil, now 41. “I was in a bad way, because I’d lost the rock who had helped me through everything I’d managed to do in my life.
“My children were all so happy, and it all got taken from them. My friends and family all stepped up and stepped in to help, because when it first happened I was in no fit state to do anything.
“But, the children needed me, and eventually I managed to regroup. I went from being a high-flying entrepreneur and career man to a full-time dad overnight, and it’s now a case that my children are my sole purpose in life.
“Becca was always the one who did everything at home, while I was working all hours to try and set us up for the rest of our lives. Now it’s my job to give our kids the best life I can, so I’m taking them to school every day, taking them to parties, football and dancing, and doing everything I can to be there for them.”
As well as dropping his business commitments and dedicating his 100 per cent attention to his children, Neil moved his family from their home in Biggleswade, Bedfordshire, back to his roots in Benfleet, Essex, to be closer to his parents and a wider support network.
The loss of a mother and then further life-changing challenges, such as leaving old friends behind and joining a new school, in such a short space of time, have surely had profound effects on each of Frankie, Sadie and Romy, and Neil is overwhelmed with pride at the way his kids have dealt with everything that’s been thrown at them.
Neil continued: “They’re incredible children, and they’re incredibly strong. They’re too young to have been hardened to life, like we do as we get older. They’ve had to learn it spontaneously, very quickly and early in life, when they shouldn’t have had to, but they have, and they’re moving through life in an amazing way.
“They’re united, which is one of the biggest things. They’ve probably got the biggest excuse in the world to play up at school, or to be unsociable or lacking confidence, but they’re flourishing in every aspect.
“I’ll never forget being on my hands and knees soon after what happened happened, and Frankie - who was six at the time - just came up to me and cuddled me. I think it was at that moment that my mindset changed, and it was because of him. My children are so strong, and they’re an absolute credit to my wife.”
A West Ham United Season Ticket Holder for over 20 years, Neil is clear about how important football has been in his and his children’s lives since Becca’s passing, serving as a release from their difficulties and a chance for the family to come together in an external environment.
“My dad was from Barking and my mum was from Dagenham, so it was always going to be West Ham for me,” Neil said. “I’ve been going to games for as long as I can remember, and taking my children - including Hayden, my oldest son from another relationship, who is 18 now - since they were each about two.
“My friends stepped up and actually managed to get me a ticket to the [2023 UEFA Europa] Conference League final in Prague, which was only about six months after Becca died. I’ll never forget that they did that for me, because I was in an awful place at the time, but they got me there.
“It took me to a different place for a few days, and it was probably somewhere I needed to go. I think it was probably the first time I was taken away from what had happened, and started to turn a bit of a corner.
“That’s what football can do, and it definitely helped Frankie after everything happened, as well. He’s the oldest of the three so he was probably the most aware and most affected, and when it happened he was always just in the garden kicking a ball, come rain or shine.
“He was playing for a team, and his coaches and teammates were just so good for him. Sadie has followed in his footsteps, and the pair of them are West Ham mad. Romy’s still a bit young, and is more into her dancing, but for the whole family football is a big thing.
“It’s a release these kids have from the tragedy that’s consumed all of us, and it’s so, so important.”
West Ham United was alerted to the family’s story when a fellow parent at the children’s school got in touch and highlighted the strength they had all shown in the face of such adversity.
In partnership with Official Technical Partner Umbro, the Club was delighted to provide Frankie and Sadie - now aged nine and seven - with the opportunity to be matchday mascots for February’s Premier League fixture against Brentford at London Stadium, on a day that provided the whole family with a host of memories to last a lifetime.
Neil said: “I got a phonecall from an unknown number, and it was someone from West Ham who told me we’d been selected for a Like My Dreams package. They explained what was on offer, and as soon as I put the phone down, I just broke down and cried.
“It was a mixture of emotions, because there’s the fact that people have recognised how strong and brave these children have been, and that they deserve this incredible experience, but there’s obviously the reason why it’s all happened, as well.
“I told the kids that they had a surprise coming up at the weekend, and then that they were going to be mascots. As we got closer to the day, their excitement was bubbling over, and the Friday night was definitely a sleepless night.
“We were met on the day and taken into the stadium, and they were given goody bags, autograph books and a full kit, which was just incredible. They were trying to spot players, and after they were taken to meet them they came back with a shirt full of signatures.
“Before the game, I was taken pitchside, which for a West Ham fan was an incredible opportunity as well. We didn’t know which players they’d be walking out with, and then all of a sudden I saw Jarrod Bowen leading the team out of the tunnel, with one of my children in each of his hands.
“Little Sadie was beaming from ear to ear, chasing a bubble while holding Bowen’s hand, and Frankie just looked so proud, walking out with his hero who had scored the winning goal in a European cup final.
“In that moment, I just realised how significant that moment was. Nobody will ever be able to take that away from my children, and it will live with all of us for the rest of our lives.”
Following the full-time whistle, there was one treat left in store for the family, when Irons midfielder James Ward-Prowse surprised them at the side of the London Stadium pitch, before handing over more gifts and asking them about their day.
Neil added: “Being surprised by James Ward-Prowse was just the icing on top of the cake. Frankie has his name on the back of his shirt, and all of a sudden he’s stood next to him, giving him his time. I can’t explain how much it means to all of us.
“This whole experience is something we will never forget, and I can’t put into words the impact it’s had on me and my children. It came at a point in their lives when they needed it the most and appreciated it the most, and from a loving dad, I can’t thank West Ham enough.
“Their signed shirts and the photos will be permanent reminders of what happened that day, and a reminder of the whole story. The children know why it happened, and it’ll be something they tell their children about down the line. I’ll be able to tell them how proud of them I was, and why they deserved it.
“We all believe that Becca is watching us and is with us every day, and I’m sure she was with the kids as they walked out on to the pitch with Jarrod Bowen. I’m sure she’s extremely proud of where we are on our journey, and we’ll all continue to stick together.”
